Tech on the Toilet: What your digital bathroom habits say about you
In the digital age, everything is changing – from the way we keep in touch with friends to how we get work done. But as technology increasingly becomes apart of our daily life, it seems even the simplest activities can become “high-tech.” One of these daily activities is going to the bathroom. This isn’t a post about technologically advanced toilets (though I’m sure I’ll write about it at some point), but rather a post about how people use technology ON the toilet, and what that can mean about their personality and approach to life.
Below, I have identified the 6 “tech on the toilet” types of people:
1. The Social Pooper – You are the person that checks Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin all while taking a dump. To put it lightly, your social life has no limits. You are open about who you are and you love letting people know exactly what you are doing all the time. You post about anything and everything, as long as it gets you more friends and more likes. You keep your profile(s) as public as a Porta-Potty, allowing friends, friends with friends, and friends of friends of friends to freely contribute to your dumpster…err, wall. The downside to your “no limits” approach to life – you may become too obsessessed with your social media profiles, to the point where you can be caught tweeting while driving. Your ideal tech toilet accessory? A LifeProof case for your iphone, so you can update your status anywhere, whether in the shower or a snow storm.
2. The Rear Reader – You are the person the likes to stay informed, both on and off the crapper. The innovation of smartphones has allowed you to get instant information, anywhere and everywhere. You love to read, and though bringing a book or newspaper into the bathroom seems easy enough, you know that reading your tech toy on the ol’ John is more socially acceptable. The downside to your love of digital literature? You easily get lost in what you are reading, resulting in long periods of time spent on the toilet. You may suffer from hemorrhoids and chronic butt pain. Your ideal tech toilet accessory? Since you already own 3 e-readers (one for each bathroom in the house), a simple e-book gift card will make you happy.
3. The Bowel Mover – You are the person that grabs for your iPod every time you feel the tingling of a BM ready to rock. Your headphones are in before you even sit down, and you turn the tunes up loud. You have a special playlist just for the bathroom, including all your favorite “toilet themes.” Whether dumping to dubstep, or peeing to pop, music is a part of your life no matter where you may be. You believe that music can make any day-to-day situation better, so why not enhance your bathroom experience too? The downside to your “bowel moving and grooving” – your frequent trips to the John may result in hearing loss later in life. Your ideal tech toilet accessory? Beats by Dr. Dre Wireless Bluetooth headphones (So you don’t have to worry about your headphone cord falling in the toilet…or worse).
4. The Gluteus Gamer – You are the person that likes to play games on the toilet. You believe that “taking a crap” means dropping all other responsibilities for your own enjoyment. Since you are too afraid to get caught playing “Words with Friends” in the workplace, you use your bathroom break as a way to “play it safe”. You like to have fun in every aspect of life, and technology allows you to do just that. For longer “log” sessions your go-to game is always an RPG like Infinity Blade. But if you are just taking a short tinkle, a level (or two) of Angry Birds satisfies you. The downside to your “fun on the rump” lifestyle? You may start to enjoy the bathroom more than your real-life responsibilities, rendering you a possibly less-efficient individual. However, you may just invent the next great mobile game inspired by your toilet-tastic lifestyle – Angry Turds, maybe? Your ideal tech toilet accessory? The iPhone Pinball Magic (Pinball Machine) accessory or the iPhone Jackpot Slots accessory, so you can mix things up.
5. The Thinking Turd – You are the person that takes notes while taking a crap. You are always generating new ideas, and you couldn’t live without your Evernote app. You love the portability of your smartphone, and enjoy having a place to always type ideas or thoughts. Some of your best work has come from inspiration thought out on the toilet, and you even liked the page “Thinking on the Toilet” on Facebook. Never before have you been able to ponder “the key to solving world peace” so eloquently on the pot, and you plan to thank Apple Inc. during your acceptance speech for your Nobel Prize. The downside to your “ponder and poop” lifestyle? Your brilliance extends far beyond your bowels, and sometimes you become so satisfied with just thinking that you forget to act on your great ideas. Your ideal tech toilet accessory? A stylus for your iPad (and iPhone), so you can allow for your thoughts to flow more freely by writing them out instead of typing.
6. The Ana-Log – You are a wise, well-balanced person with an immense amount of self-control. You don’t even think about using a digital device on the toilet, and you don’t understand the people that do. When it comes to the porcelain throne, you sit on it like a boss. You know how to do your business, and get it done well – the old-fashioned way. You are a hard worker that values simplicity and getting the job done right. The downside to your efficient lifestyle? Your lack of addiction to digital things will exclude you from certain social circles. Your ideal tech toilet accessory? None, you are satisfied with just a bowl, a hole, and two cheeks.
Of these 6 types of people, which are you? Are their any other “types” that you think should be mentioned in this post?